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Astros Nonduce Hits and Runs, Lose to Athletics 6-2


We see the term "induce" used a lot in baseball talk. It's an active verb and means somebody causes something or other to happen. In an article about Joe Musgroves' no-hitter thrown yesterday for the San Diego Padres against the Southern Oklahoma Mall Cops, the writer said Musgrove "induced 13 swings-and-misses", meaning he caused the inept Mall Cops to futilely flail the air with their fungo sticks while feebly failing to get a single hit in their 3-0 loss.

The word "induce" stems from the ancient Polish root word "duceski", which means "a large mammal with two protuberent humps on its back". Other words from the same stem-word are "deduce", "produce", "seduce", "reduce", "introduce", and "lettuce". The meanings of all those words are commonly known and if you don't understand any of them, you can look it up, like Casey Stengel said. Another word from the same ancient ancient prehistoric Lithuanian base root is "nonduce". "Nonduce" means when somebody DIDN'T cause something or other to happen.

The Astros nonduced a lot of hits and runs yesterday while losing to the Oakland Athletics 6-2. After going on a rip-snorting 6-game winning streak since Opening Day, getting lots of hits and runs and hitting lots of home runs and twirling a bunch of slick and easy double plays every time an opponent got a runner on first base, suddenly the bats of Alex Bregman, Yordan Alvarez, Uncle Mikey Brantley and Kyle Tucker all went silent. They nonduced hits and home runs all over the place. The official scorer for the game showed these beloved Astro sluggers all went "0-for-infinity" in yesterday's game... while the A's stumbled and scratched and accidentally stuck their fungo sticks out in front of some pitches thrown by Lance McCullers, Bryan Abreu, Blake Taylor and Joe Smith and somehow or other induced a few balls to fall in places where Correa and Altuve and Straw and Tucker weren't standing and didn't run to... resulting in getting credit for six runs crossing the old trapezoid in favor of the A's, while the Astros only got two.

This great nonduction of offensive firepower by the Astros included Bregman flying out to the outfield every time he came to bat, and Yordan Alvarez striking out so many times I quit counting, while Uncle Mikey showed a little bit of both and some infield ground-outs ... including (gasp!) striking out looking in the 3rd inning. Although the other Astros managed to induce a few hits and runs here and there, mostly they nonduced hits and runs all over the place and generally looked like a kid with a cork popgun trying to shoot an elk.

The bottom line was, we lost.

If you want to know the details, you can look it up.