So this is the way it’s going to be, Huh.
Joe Kelly is 32 years old, going on 12 pic.twitter.com/ZvTqG2UU2l— SportsTalk 790 (@SportsTalk790) July 29, 2020
Going on 12? Twelve-year-olds do mature things like snapping girls’ bra straps, or giving you wet willies. Sticking your tongue out and making funny faces?...Joe Kelly is 32 going on 5.
Stay classy, Astros.
Or get even.
Which will it be. Stay tuned here for the latest in the saga of “We Hate the Astros and We’ll Prove How Much by Throwing 98 mph Fastballs at their Star Players’ Heads.”
Oh yeah, they played a game last night. Strangely enough, I think the real story was the fine performance by the losing pitcher, Framber Valdez. Through four innings he faced only 11 batters, (very un-Framberlike). He was great. Rare hope during these dark days of Astros pitching.
And then he wasn’t great. But he really wasn’t that bad either. He allowed a well-hit single to Corey Seager to lead off the inning, but then two seeing-eye ground ball singles sneaked through the infield, either of which if placed a few feet to the left or right could have produced a Framber-style double play. He got a lineout for the first out of the inning and then he was replaced by Enoli Paredes with the bases loaded. Paredes failed to retire the next five batters, scoring the only five runs the Dodgers would score all night. Of course, Valdez was credited with three of those. ( one was unearned due to an Alex Bregman throwing error to home)
Did you know who Andre Scrubb was before he pitched for the Astros last night? How about Nivaldo Rodriguez?
Andre Scrubb was the guy the Astros got in the Tyler White trade. He’s never pitched above AA. Rodriguez is a Venezuelan who’s never pitched above A+. Paredes has also maxxed out at AA, but at least he had 1.2 innings of major league experience under his belt going into last night’s game. He still has only 1.2 innings of major league experience after pitching in last night’s game.
While throwing their farm system onto the mound against the mighty Dodgers, the Astros failed to produce offense. Except for Carlos Correa, who was 3 for 4 with a home run and two RBI. He was therefore the subject of Little Joey Kelly’s tantrum on the only occasion the Dodgers managed to get him out.
“Take that, you little poopy-face.”
BTW. Joe Kelly was suspended 8 games by MLB for acting 27 years too young.
Tonight Astros veteran Christian Javier takes the mound against the Dodgers. I mean, by Astros standards he’s a veteran. He has one inning of major league experience going in to tonight’s game. And he even made AAA last year!!!!!
Here’s tonight’s Astros lineup. Struggling George Springer is getting a rest. Kyle Tucker is lead-off. What??????? Speedy Miles Straw gets a shot tonight too.