Breaking News: Trevor Bauer not traded to Houston. Astros fans jubilant

In a move celebrated throughout Astros fandom, Trevor (Tyler) Bauer was traded to the National League tonight. The Reds gave up Yasiel Puig to the Indians for Bauer, and the San Diego Padres got Taylor Trammell from the Reds. The Padres gave up Franmil Reyes and Logan Allen to the Indians.

Here are the details in a series of tweets.

Rumors had circulated all day that the Astros were in on the Bauer sweepstakes. But instead of drawing a touted Houston prospect, say Corbin Martin, or J.B. Bukauskas, the Indians were forced to settle for this player.

Commenting on the trade, the Indians General Manager Mike Chernoff noted: “We wanted to deal with the Astros, but the package they offered was just not that special. Besides getting his magical bat, we think that Yasiel Puig will fit nicely in the same spot in our clubhouse vacated by Trevor. With Yasiel in the dugout, we really hope we can now begin the healing.”

Here is a video of Yasiel Puig’s last official act as a Red.

Here is Trevor Bauer’s last official act as an Indian.

Astros GM Jeff Luhnow expressed some disappointment at being excluded from the Bauer/Puig free-for-all. “We really thought Trevor had the arm to get us all the way to the World Series. Did you see that throw to center field? He didn’t even need any pine tar.”

Sources say that Luhnow backed off his offer at the last minute when rumors surfaced that a number of staff writers at the Crawfish Boxes threatened to boycott the team. “We have to have the Boxes on our side” he said, “If they turn on us, our ticket sales plummet.”

One staff writer had this reaction.

Another, whom I can only say goes by the name of Jason, threatened to beat his cat if the trade were consumated.

In the end, cooler heads prevailed, and the Reds got Bauer, and the Indians got Puig.

In unrelated news, the Crawfishboxes are announcing that the Hebrew Hammah is being traded to the LoneStarBall for a fanpost to be named later.

(Note: No joking. Indians also got 3B Victor Nova. See this tweet for more details along with fan reaction by fans from all three cities)