Dear Diary: Astros lose 8-7 I mean 10-7 to Indians

8:15 AM

Dear Diary, Strange day so far. I found myself writing the preview for a major league baseball game at 7:30 in the morning. That's pretty crazy, huh? The Astros play at 11:10 today, but I'm fine with that. It sure beats those nasty midnight games on the West Coast. Thanks again Bud Selig! #neverforget

11:20 AM

Hey Diary, it's me again. I tuned in to the Astros game because I'm anxious to see what David Paulino can do against major league hitters. The Astros were nice enough to give him a 1-0 lead before he even took the mound. Springer led off the game with a single and Alex Bregman hit an RBI double. I hope Paulino can go deep, because the Astros' bullpen has really been taxed lately.

12:16 PM

Good afternoon, Diary. Well, Paulino looked OK during the first two innings. His fastball velocity and his curve ball command have been improving slowly but surely, but he has run into a bit of trouble here. After walking Tyler Naquin to start the inning, Paulino retired the next two batters, but then gave up an RBI double to Jason Kipnis and an RBI single to Francisco Lindor to give the Indians a 2-1 lead. With 2 outs still in the inning, he then hit Mike Napoli with a pitch and walked Jose Ramirez to load the bases. I don't like where this is headed but hey, there are still 2 outs so maybe he'll get out of it.

12:25 PM

I can't believe what just happened. I don't want to use bad words in front of you diary, so I'll censor myself. Here goes: %@#$!! &*)%!#$ &^%#@(@ @(#&@(#*  !!!(*()&#& @&(*@&()*#

Ok, so clearly I'm too upset to explain what happened nicely. Hmmm, maybe I'll try taking the advice that Daniel Tiger gives my kids: When you feel so mad that you wanna ROAR, take a deep breath and count to four. [deep breath] ONE... TWO... THREE... FOUR...

Phew, yeah I think that helped... ... JIM JOYCE IS THE $%&*(@ *&^#^@!!! #&*(*&@#*(&

Nevermind, I'll just try again later.

12:30 PM

Dear Diary, sorry about my outburst earlier. Yulieski Gurriel just hit his 2^nd MLB career HR after hitting his first one last night. So we're now only down by 2 runs, 4-2. I mean, the game should actually be tied now, but hey, what can you do when Jim Joyce is the home plate umpire and every other umpire decides to take a nap at the same time DURING THE GAME!! Allow me to elaborate on what I couldn't bring myself to discuss earlier.

Basically, Jim Joyce's stupid wannabe handlebar mustache ruined everything. Paulino threw a pitch in the dirt. The ball bounced and hit off the bat of Lonnie Chisenhall. The FOUL BALL then careened off to the left of Jason Castro. Distracted by his wannabe handlebar mustache, Joyce didn't call it a foul ball. The Indians baserunners started to round the bases as Jason Castro tried to explain the obvious to Joyce and his strange mustache. Now, there are a few things that I want to clarify for you, Diary, before I continue:

• First, Jim Joyce thought it was a wild pitch even though it was a foul ball
• Despite calling it a wild pitch and letting runners score, Joyce's mustache convinced him to halt the play for some reason. Now, if it truly was a wild pitch, wouldn't Terry Francona have come running out of the dugout complaining that Joyce and his mustache didn't let his third base runner come around to score? Hmmm... food for thought.
• Joyce and the other umpires then met to discuss how to further grow and shape his mustache. After discussing several options, they then realized that everyone was waiting on them to make a ruling on the play. Since the umpires had all been distracted by Joyce's mustache during the play, no one had any idea what should actually be done. So they decided to let the call stand (and rumors have it that Joyce is going to try for a Fu Manchu).

A.J. Hinch then came charging out of the dugout as the standard bearer of truth, reason, and all that is good in baseball. But alas, he was no match for the facial hair of Mr. Joyce. Hinch was tossed from the game, but the umpires then put the headsets on just to get our hopes up.

I've never had such positive feelings about New Yorkers as I had in that moment. Surely, the yankee doodle dandy umpires in NY could see the ball hit the bat even while enjoying some pizza and saying things like "Wat ah they tawkin about in Cleveland, ah? Now gimme some more pepperoni." Well, as it turns out, the umpires in New York did in fact watch the replay. They saw the egregious mistake, but had their hands tied by the rule book. They only made Jose Ramirez go back to second base, even though Joyce clearly called time before Napoli had touched home plate. Yeah, I dunno. It doesn't make any sense to me either.

Lonnie Chisenhall then lined out to end the inning. I repeat. HE LINED OUT TO END THE INNING. THE BASES SHOULD HAVE BEEN LOADED AT THE END OF THE INNING BUT THEY WEREN'T.

Now Diary, at this point, you may be wondering why I'm putting most of the blame for this inexcusable display of ineptitude on Jim Joyce's facial hair. Well my dear Diary, when faced with inexplicable circumstances, one must use inexplicable reasoning to explicate the inexplicatable (those are all real words, trust me).

12:44 PM

Diary, I just realized that I'm writing the recap for today's game. That means I can let out all of my frustrations and venting by posting them to a public site on the internet, which won't actually have an impact on the game or the players or the umpire crew, but will still be quite satisfying to me personally. I can't wait.

1:20 PM

My Dear Diary, it appears that Brady Rodgers is struggling to adjust to the big leagues. He gave up 5 earned runs over only 1.0 inning pitched today and then Michael Feliz gave up a HR as well, so the Indians now lead 10-3. Rodgers now has an ERA of 54.00. Ouch. This is annoying because #1 I want the Astros to win and #2 if they lose, I want them to lose by 2 runs or less so that my argument about Jim Joyce's facial hair seems even more valid... because for some reason that will make me feel better even though it will still be a loss... moral victory, I guess?

1:25 PM

Hey Diary, have I told you that Colby Rasmus is my daughter's favorite player on the Astros? She thinks his name is Colby Jack. I don't correct her because it's cute and it makes me think of Rasmus hitting home runs like the 2-run bomb he just hit to bring us within 5. It's now 10-5 Indians and I'm still annoyed about Jim Joyce's facial hair. Maybe I'll send him a shaving kit. Perhaps that would make me feel better...

1:40 PM

Well, we are in a rain delay now and I don't even know how I feel anymore. I entered today with such high hopes. With Detroit, Baltimore, and Toronto all getting the day off, we had a chance to gain half a game on each of them. There was hope that maybe Paulino would be the next Lance McCullers, hope that the Astros could finish this difficult road trip with a winning record, hope that the umpires wouldn't dramatically influence the outcome of this game. Now... now I don't know what to feel. If the game is simply called at this point, I guess it would save our bullpen which would be nice. I do hate giving up though. A 5-run deficit with still 3 innings to go isn't a sure loss, especially the way our offense has been going lately. I guess I'll just wait and see. Hopefully Joyce and the other umpires are watching replays over and over and over while they wait out the rain delay.

2:44 PM

Well well well my Dear Diary, play resumed and the Astros are now only trailing 10-7. Springer singled to lead off the 7^th and scored on a triple by Alex Bregman, who then scored on a wild pitch. Joyce's facial hair seems more and more infuriating the more we score... UGH... It's ok, it's ok, I remember: When you feel so mad that you wanna ROAR, take a deep breath and count to four.

3:20 PM

Well Diary, it's over. The Astros lost 10-7 due to one of the craziest, most ridiculous calls I've ever seen. The good news is that despite playing 7 straight games against first place teams on the road, the Astros went 3-4 and are still just 2.5 games out of the second AL Wild Card spot and only 3.5 games out of the first wild card spot. Furthermore, the offense averaged 5.9 runs per game during the road trip. They now come home for 3 games against the Cubs and 3 games against the Rangers before they finish the season with 16 games against far less intimidating clubs like the Angels, Athletics, and Mariners. Now excuse me while I send some razors and shaving cream to Mr. Joyce.

Go ‘Stros!!