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Texas Rangers 14, Houston Astros 3

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Rangers beat the Astros eleventy billion to three. What do you do when your team gets a mud hole stomped in it? You fling about hyperbole to make yourself feel better, and then weep when it doesn't work.

Jerome Miron-USA TODAY Sports

What Happened

"It's The End Of The World As We Know It" by REM - visit their website here.

There.  Recap over.  Enjoy your night.

No?  You're still here?

Okay, let's make this as painless as possible then.

Dallas Keuchel, the major league leader in ERA coming into the game, got lit up for nine earned runs including three home runs in 4.2 innings.  Michael Feliz entered and surrendered five more earned runs in 3.1 innings, including two more home runs.  The Astros anemic road offense managed ten hits, but only one - a two run home run by Evan Gattis, his 24th - was for extra bases. The Astros continued struggling both on the road offensively and to score against left handed pitching - which the Rangers exploited by throwing only left handed pitchers against the Astros in this game.  The Rangers originally scheduled lineup for this game was scratched, and replaced with this one:

1. Ty Cobb
2. Willie Mays
3. Babe Ruth
4. Mickey Mantle
5. Lou Gehrig
6. Honus Wagner
7. Jimmie Foxx
8. Johnny Bench
9. Pete Rose


P: Steve Carlton

And that's pretty much it.  14-3 Rangers was the final, and the Astros are now 1.5 games back in the AL West and currently have a 1 game lead over the Twins, who are losing 2-1 to the Tigers in the bottom of the seventh inning as this article is being typed.  The Astros have just nine home games and seven more merciless road games to play before the end of the season.

Good night, Astros fans.