Ever wanted to know how the TCB writers come up with such great content to write about? Here is an actual email exchange from June 25, 2014, to give you a behind-the-scenes look at our creative processes.
Brian Stevenson (BS): I'm just now watching the game from yesterday on DVR, and in the bottom of the ninth with a 1-1 count on Fowler, the showed Altuve on deck and there's this woman standing behind him against a railing in the crowd, and without blinking is just staring straight into the camera with this gaze that is equal parts murderous and PTSD. It's pretty much the perfect Astros fan "here we go again" stare. Would make a perfect GIF since Altuve's movements juxtapose with her death stare so well. Hilarious if anyone with MLB.tv wants to go look it up for a chuckle.
Tidewater Astros (TW): I think she was a camera woman. She was standing directly next to one. The creepy stare may have been a function of her job. Either way, it was funny.
Anthony Boyer (AB): I know I'm alone on the Pete Kozma bandwagon and I always have been (seriously, even Pete Kozma's parents are all kinda "eh.... we're not sure"), but the Cardinals DFA'd him.
Chris (CRP): Not to be "that guy"...but...what's to like? He's like Adam Everett, only without the potent bat.
AB: I didn't say the Astros should grab him. I've just always had a soft spot for American high school shortstops who stick at the position. It's like the end of an era.
Tim: Countriest [ed note. I think this is code for something?]
AB: Not usually. But guys drafted out of U.S high schools usually suck at playing shortstop. And the ones who don't suck become pitchers.
Irish Pete (IP): Carlos Correa is "technically" a US shortstop... No?
AB: Don't be difficult, Seth.
BS: I think there's only gonna be a Kozma bangwagon if you grab some boards and nails and build one :)
CRP: Another topic change, but has anybody seen SI.com's vomitous new layout? NOT EVERYBODY USES A TABLET.
BS: I never go to SI.com, but I did just now. Yes, it's horrible. Tablets and Windows 8 need to die. Don't know why sites can't just have desktop and mobile/tablet versions and auto-detect which device they're being viewed on.
BS: I've always wondered how the whole US/Puerto Rico thing works. Never heard it taught in the public schools I went to. Which...I guess might say something about what the government thinks about it.
AB: P.R. is an "unincorporated territory of the United States," similar (I believe) to Guam or the Virgin Islands. They have an elected official in the U.S. House of Representatives, but he doesn't have a vote.
CRP: It's a commonwealth. Meaning, it has all the rights of a state, but without a lot of the tax obligations. Smart populace to vote down becoming a state every few years.
Clack (clack): Puerto Rico is a territory of the United States. In the past, a controversy existed as to whether Puerto Rico should be added as a state or given independent status. (I think, at times, there were parties in Puerto Rico advocating each option, continued territory,statehood,and independence.) It’s not likely to happen, considering the partisan controversies over electoral college impact, congressional impact, financial effect on the federal government, etc.
[back to Digression #1]
Clack: As for Kozmos, that’s an interesting question. He is a Luhnow guy, so there is that. He is kind of poster boy for "over performing" on offense in previous years, and I guess regression brought him crashing down.
[back to Main Topic]
IP: Well... Here's my attempt at the gif. I'm no where near the gif'er that Tim is...
BS: Ha, that's a great job though. Looks like she's just going "I've been a fan since 1992 and I can no longer feel anything."
TW: That's her!! This is the greatest thing ever. I thing this GIF should be required in every single TCB article going forward.
CRP: Gotta be on purpose. Altuve blinks at least 3 times in that GIF, and her eyes don't move once.
Tim: This should be a post.
AB: You guys, she legitimately looks dead. Has anyone checked in on her?
David Coleman (DC): No, that's just her face.
AB: It's really going to suck when she's really dead and people just think she's waiting for Altuve to come up to bat.
DC: The humans are dead.
They're totally dead.
The humans are de-ad.
I noticed they're dead.
The humans are dead.
I poked one. It was dead.
AB: BINARY SOLO!!!
CRP: Hah, sweet, a pop culture reference that I actually GOT. [ed note: link to reference]
DC: Do you want us to talk more about "I Wanna Marry Harry?" I don't know much, but I can try. We're here for you, Chris.
AB: WE WILL NEVER KNOW HOW IT ENDS!!!
CRP: That one's over my head. Normalcy has been restored.
AB: Interesting note: "Normalcy" is not actually a word. Warren G. Harding (best-known as "probably the worst U.S. President in history") made it up while campaigning from his front porch in Marion, Ohio.
CRP: William Henry Harrison probably has something to say about "probably the worst U.S. President in history". Not that it was his fault, really.
DC: Yes, it was his fault. If Harrison hadn't given the longest inauguration speech in history (to that point), he doesn't catch pneumonia and die.
Also, Harding looked presidential. That counts for something, right? Almost as good as looking royal.
Which brings us back to I Wanna Marry Harry. Which we'll never see again.
AB: Ulysses S. Grant has a voice in the conversation, as well. Two Ohioans. Go Buckeys!
CRP: Anybody who can rock a beard like that deserves exemption from the conversation. Van Buren needs to be included BECAUSE of his facial hair.
[Back to Digession #2]
Illinibob: I'm still trying to figure out how to build a BANGWAGON! I know that I want one though!
AB: Tony Kemp will suit up for the Hooks in today's game
TW: What would Harrison have been like as a president had he had a little common sense?
As a Whig, Harrison would have likely pursued anti-Jacksonian democracy, which would have been a mixed bag, depending on your perspective. He would have opposed the national bank. He would have been relatively nice to Native Americans.He could have gone either way on the big one -- slavery. The Whigs ended as a party when they split over slavery. He would have favored Congressional power over presidential power.
AB: I don't know. The guy who didn't wear a coat or hat, rode to his inauguration and in a parade on horseback instead of in a carriage, gave a super-long speech, and then attended three inaugural balls probably shouldn't have been counted on to make too many sound decisions as president.
BS: All words were made up by someone in the past. Don't take "normalcy" away from me, unless I get to replace it with "normalness" or something.
Look, Firefox's spell check didn't underline "normalcy." It's official.
Harrison wasn't in office long enough to bleep everything up. He's one of the best presidents in history by default.
AB: The word is normality.
And it's a word now. Because he made it up. Like Shakespeare.
BS: Normality wasn't a word until some guy made it up in 1473 or whenever.
TW: Oops. [Harrison] supported the national bank.
AB: Oh, Brian. You can keep your precious little word. Just know that it was invented by a complete moron.
BS: As a misanthrope, I assumed they all were.
Idrees: There seems to be a lot of misremembering going on here.
AB: I used to have a high school history teacher who did a Calvin Coolidge impersonation, whereby he's simply stare at the class and blink. The first person to say "Silent Cal!" got extra credit on the next test.
CRP: I'm pretty sure this entire email conversation needs to be turned into a post.
BS: The fact that people here have intimate knowledge of the facial political leanings, personalities and mannerisms of all of our inconsequential presidents and love to cheerfully discuss them makes me realize just how much of a failure of a person I am.
CRP: And that's a perfect way to close the post, Brian! Haha
BS: Somehow "facial" got in there for no reason. What did I do in a past life to deserve being born with ADHD, AvPD, OCD and dyslexia? Maybe I was the cruel warden at some slummy insane asylum in the 1880's.
* * *
There you have it, folks. A behind-the-scenes insight into how we are able to generate such great content on a daily basis! No animals or dead presidents were harmed in the making of this post, though Terri will probably have a headache when she reads through the email thread tonight after work.