MLB Scores: Astros 0, Reds 10

100 or less reasons to be happy despite today's loss:

1. It's not like we're in a pennant race. This loss means nothing, so be happy!
2. Closer to the #1 pick in next year's draft.
3. Today's outcome is no predictor for what's to happen in tomorrow's game.
4. Jordan Lyles didn't tear his UCL.
5. If you're not hipster, you didn't have to see the loss on TV.
6. It could have been worse.
7. Like the bullpen could have blown it.
8. Or Hector Ambriz could have given up all 10 runs.
9. And Bo Porter would have left him in the game.
10. And smiled from the dugout.
11. Jeff Luhnow, because his presence makes everything better.
12. Much like butter makes everything taste better.
13. Jeff Luhnow, if you are reading this, I love you.
14. But not too much, that's weird.
15. It could have been better.
16. Like the Astros could have won.
17. And then we'd go yay.
18. But then we'd lose our #1 pick in next year's draft.
19. Maybe.
20. Depends on a number of factors.
21. But you get my drift hopefully.
22. Jose Altuve got his 29th double of the year.
23. Altuve! <3 <3 <3
24. Oops, those hearts were meant for Jeff Luhnow.
25. Sorry.
26. There is more to life than just baseball.
27. Like the Texans.
28. And C-SPAN
29. And people dying from illnesses.
30. And flowers growing.
31. Life is just wonderful.
32. For the most part.
33. You could be a convicted criminal.
34. And in prison for the rest of your life.
35. And forced to watch the Astros lose.
36. But you're not!
37. At least I don't think you are.
39. You could be a Justin Bieber fan instead.
40. You could be older than dirt.
41. You could also have eaten under-cooked chicken.
42. And died from salmonella.
43. Or gone swimming in the sewer.
44. And accidentally swallowed the water.
45. And died that way.
46. Or survived.
47. You could be a person with OCD.
48. In which case you would be foaming at the mouth, wondering where #38 went.
49. But most likely you're not.
50. Which is a good thing.
51. See there are a lot worse things than today's loss.
52. Like 47 other horrible things that could have happened to you today:
53. Getting your car towed.
54. Being ticketed for going too fast, but you really weren't.
55. Eating a snow cone that was on the floor of a bathroom stall.
56. Proposing to your boyfriend/girlfriend and he/she says no.
57. A pack of stray dogs mauling you to death.
58. Stepping on a puddle of water in your socks.
59. Finding out your bank account is empty.
60. Getting laid off.
61. Getting laid to rest.
62. Finding out you've been cheated on.
63. Realizing that a fart wasn't just gas in the middle of a meeting.
64. After a drunken night of partying, not knowing who the father is.
65. Having a dream that George Springer was traded.
66. Not having any more ideas.
67 - 99. Not having a life.
100. Being banned from the Crawfish Boxes.

Phew! So in case you didn't get the message, the point is that today's game is over and you only hurt yourself by worrying about something that happened outside of your control. Even Jordan Lyles' 8 earned runs in 3.1 IP should be shoved aside. Why? Well why not? Be happy! That's what we're all going to strive for, right? RIGHT!?!?!!