MLB Scores: Astros 13, Mariners 2

Astronomers today found a new supernova inside the Safeco Field galaxy, but it was only discovered after peak luminosity.

By BustaPozee Sep 11, 2013, 6:32am CDT

Did you expect that to happen? And on a Tuesday too. And on a night when everybody sane and rational is asleep. I mean, all of last night I had visions of bullpen collapse in my head and I probably dreamed about it too. Except maybe I should tell my subconscious that Hector Ambriz isn't on the team anymore and I won't wake up with tears all over my pillow. But never mind these minor inconveniences and embarrassments, the Astros have never looked so sexy all year. Jordan Lyles gave up one earned in 6 along with 2 walks and 5 strikeouts and the offense pounded the Mariners' starting pitcher Joe Saunders for 6 dances across the plate in three innings and ate their bullpen alive like fire ants later in the game. Tasty.

The offensive slaughter started as soon as the first pitch was thrown when Jonathan Villar hit a ball into the stands so early in the game, people still thought they were watching batting practice. That's how early the action started. The Astros followed with a bunch of doubles by Chris Carter and L.J Hoes that scored 4 runs in the 3rd.

The offense was pretty quiet in the middle innings, but the Mariners bullpen came into the game all clueless and whatnot. "What's a baseball?" and "How do I throw this thing?" were probably questions they were too afraid to ask, as the Astros offense pummeled them for 7 runs in the final three innings of the game.

Brandon Laird started the madness in the 7th with a 2-run shot and everyone else followed. In the end, the only players who didn't get a hit were Cody Clark and Trevor Crowe. Jose Altuve, Matt Dominguez, and Chris Carter had three hits each. And L.J Hoes, Brandon Laird, and Jonathan Villar had two each.

Our bullpen was able to protect the lead as Jorge De Leon pitched a scoreless 7th and Rhiner Cruz followed with two scoreless innings. Our boy Rhiner did hit a batter, but that's only because one of our boys, Laird, got hit by one of their guys. I think this phenomenon is called retaliation, and it seemed to have worked.

Now let's all get happy for another Astros win!