MLB Scores: Astros 5, Athletics 4

While I was most certainly not sipping a glass of a Cabernet Sauvignon because I have no idea what that is, the Astros were once again playing a baseball game at ungodly hours of the night. And as we all know, on Tuesdays, the Astros usually lose. But today was just one of those lucky accidents when we actually do win, so to the surprise of myself and my colleagues, we've decided to celebrate with a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon, which I still have no idea of what it is.

To start this recap of a night deserving of fanfare, the stadium-wide evacuation in preparation of Jordan Lyles' start was one of the most irrational decisions made this season. Lyles actually turned in quite a start today, and didn't blow up, sending shrapnel that would have hit people's babies. This change of pace was both refreshing and delicious at 7 innings pitched, 1 earned run, 5 hits, 3 strikeouts, and two margaritas. The term margarita is simply another way of saying "base on balls" because you know you have another frosty one after each time the opposing batter ascends to cloud nine for free. The term cloud nine is simply another way of saying "a base gained on a base on balls", because we all know how drunk you'll get when a pitcher gives up too many margaritas.

On the other end, the Colon must have been acting up because it gave up 5 runs in 4 innings. Someone prescribe some Imodium, please. Brandon Barnes drove in two with a double and Chris Carter hit another double that drove in one. Everyone in the lineup had a hit except for Jonathan Villar, who struck out twice in four plate appearances. Matt Dominguez and Jose Altuve were the only other hitters to hit doubles.

The 8th inning got a bit sketchy when Josh Zeid came into the game and gave up three runs, 2 of them from a Cespedes home run. Who does that guy think he is? A home run derby champ? I thought for sure that when he unloaded we were losing this game, but when Chia-jen Lo came into the game to relieve a Kevin Chapman who had plunked a batter with one pitch in a waste of a relief appearance, I felt pretty darned good we was going to win this sucka.

Actually I didn't, but  I was glad we did. That counts, right? It didn't come without its challenges though as Eric Sogard and Chris Young both came up close in their attempts at hitting walk-off home runs. Sogard's ball landed in Hoes' glove on the warning track and Young's ball was just inches of beating up that fowl pole. Oh excuse me, foul pole. Right? I guess we can't blow a lead every day. Maybe Chia-jen Lo was like the rest of us - too tired and couldn't concentrate enough to throw his pitches down the middle of the plate. But with another day ahead of us, maybe the team will acclimate to Pacific time better and start acting like its usual self.

I'm only kidding, of course.

We didn't lose!