Astros Seedling Mowed Down By Padres' Lawnmower In 1-Hit Disaster

The Astros are a young team, departing from the aging contracts of pricey veterans of years ago. Like a pine seed whirling down from a pinecone of a tall, aging, rotting pine to grow into a seedling, the Astros are setting out to reestablish itself and grow independent of old regimes by doing its own thing, setting precedents for the future, and establishing a solid foundation for years to come. However, the Astros as a young seedling are very vulnerable to obstacles and challenges that aren't present for large and mature trees. Such things include children that like to romp around on the grass, and most importantly: lawnmowers.

Essentially, the Padres mowed down the Astros today, allowing them one cheap hit off the bat of Matt Downs. One witness said, "it was an accidental swing by Downs. Thank God no one could field it." The poor fielding behind that check-swing blooper was essential to the Astros not being no-hit, which would have caused the world to split into two pieces, creating ultimate chaos, looting, robberies, and babies crying. However, 1 hit is not more different than 0 hits and I would assume many Astros fans are getting wasted tonight. It's unknown the exact number of fans, or percentage of fans drinking their livers dead, but it's estimated to be a lot. Don't drink and drive, kids.

So. Edinson Volquez with a 1-hit shutout, the first shutout of Edinson Volquez's multi-year career in the major leagues. The Astros lose their 16th game out of the past 18 games. J.D. Martinez walked twice; Marwin Gonzalez once. Chase Headley made an error. Lucas Harrell pitched 7 innings, 4 hits, 1 walk, 6 strikeouts and only 1 run. Wesley Wright pitched 1 inning with 2 Ks and zeroes everywhere else. But it all didn't matter. Astros lose 1-Zippooo.