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Game Hero, 32 - 43

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Hunter Pence
  • 4 for 6, 1 RBI, 4 runs, ROE
  • 8th homer of the year, 19th double
  • Led off the crucial ninth with a mojo-reversing double
  • Scored runs in both your critical innings of the ninth and tenth.

Wow, what a crazy game.

Too bad I feel like shit about it.

Imaginary conversation during Spring Training:

Casual Fan: So, rastro, what's the strength of this Astros team?
rastronomicals: Bullpen, no question.

Imaginary conversation, now:

Casual Fan So, rastro, what's the biggest problem with your Astros?
rastronomicals: Bullpen, no question. [Punches Casual Fan in the nose]

I mean, who cares that Pence scored four runs, our bullpen is a f#$%ing wreck.

Our closer who we thought couldn't close, but maybe could after all is out for eight weeks. His understudy just gave up three homers in two innings--three homers in two innings!--and now has more home runs allowed in 2-1/2 months than he'd given up in a year and a half coming into the season. He's never given up more than 7 homers in his Astros career, and now he has eight, with more on the way, Lord knows exactly why.

Our 7th-inning, groundball specialist hasn't set a personal high for homers allowed just yet, although I'm sure that's on the way, as well, but he's also never had an ERA above 4.00 before, either.

The guy after our seventh inning man is Rick White, enough said, our lefty specialist has had an ERA in the 7.00's all year, our long man is Brian Freaking Moehler, and worst of all, there's no help anywhere on the horizon, unless it's Paul Estrada, and I understand he's a little green behind the ears.

So congratulations, Hunter, enjoy your award.

Your team, however, is fucked.