MLB Scores: Astros 11, Orioles 0

This guy made a spot-start spotless. - Joy R. Absalon-USA TODAY Sports

The bats launched baseballs over fences, but not the Orioles' bats, and not Brett Oberholtzer's baseballs either.

If you didn't know any better, you might have thought that spot-starter Brett Oberholtzer was being paid $15 Million dollars this season to pitch for the Astros. But that's just really silly. Since you do know better, you might be surprised that Oberholtzer pitched 7 innings of glamorous scoreless baseball to fill in for Erik Bedard who was scratched because of shoulder soreness, according to MLB.com's Brian McTaggart.

Oberholtzer was spotless, striking out 6, giving up only 3 hits, and turning the term "Base on Balls" from something you hear every day to some kind of foreign gobbledygook. In fact, none of the Astros pitchers walked anybody tonight. Not Chia-Jen Lo, who made his major league debut, and not Jose Cisnero either.

Lo came on in the 8th inning, gave up two singles, and said 拜拜 to Ryan Flaherty with a 96-mph swinging strikeout to end the inning. Lo made his debut as the first Taiwanese player to play for the Astros, just like Zeid made his debut as the first Greek god to play for the Astros yesterday.

Cisnero then came out in the 9th and struck out one and ended the game on a flyout. We might as well get used him him pitching the 9th more often, though Bo Porter has said the closer is by committee. I for one would like to know what committee is making these closer decisions. Shouldn't these be Bo's decisions?

On offense, there was tons of it. How about future hall-of-famer Jason Castro going 3-4 with two doubles and a grand slam? I guess that's why he's undoubtedly a future hall-of-famer.

Robbie Grossman singled and also hit his first home run, which reminded me of a joke I made about a year ago of a player hitting a ball out onto Eutaw street in one of my recaps. I was just joking around, yes, but Robbie Grossman's 2-run bomb today actually did land on Eutaw street, so in a sense I was about a year ahead of myself in being correct. So let's just say that I'm a psychic. Or maybe not. Just because I have special powers doesn't mean I should flaunt them like the self-proclaimed narcissist that I am.

Therefore, I was able to correctly predict that Matt Dominguez would go 4-5 tonight with 3 singles and a dinger as well. How about the power that Dominguez has been showing off this year? Amazing. But remember, it's not like I didn't see this coming.

Altuve, or shall I say Al2ve, or for the older folks, el escorpión, had two hits as well. So did Brandon Barnes, except one of his was a run-scoring double. The only other players to get hits were Carter and Wallace who each hit singles. Our new outfielder L.J. Hoes hit nothing and struck out twice in 5 plate appearances. What a bust, right? Except I don't think we should erect a bust for Hoes just yet. I think the marble they carve those things out of are expensive and the Astros just don't have money for expensive things. Maybe later, though.

To put the spice on the cake, or the donkey in the playhouse, this was the first win for the Astros at Camden Yards ever. As a minor side note, I also got the win too, which pushes my record to 3-11 on the year for games I've recapped! Woo! Regression is awesome!

We win! Now we'll face this guy named Bud Norris tomorrow. Anyone know who this guy is?

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