Awful Astros Lose 8-0 to the Awfully Good David Price and the Rays

We can tell he doesn't like whatever was in his mouth. - Bob Levey

"Awful, awful, and a taste of more awful" - food critic William Peebles

Too much chocolate can be a bad thing. This I discovered after indulging in too many of last night's chocolate rocks when I really started getting a sickly feeling to my stomach. So instead of chocolate today, I opted for soup in hopes that it would be easier on my stomach. Well, after taking my first bite, I determined it was a pretty awful soup. So I look at the back of the can to see which ingredients are listed and I was shocked that the FDA would allow these things in a food product, much less a soup:

"Natural and Artificial Flavors: David Price Medley (Mixture of 10-Strikeout Spice, 70-pitch mix, No-walk stalks), Freshly Picked-off Paredes, 3-run sun dip from Oberholtzer farms, 4 single dingles, Al0ve Ionized Water, Less is Elmore brand off-base anticaking agent, Errant Throw Laxative: Causes you to have the runs (by Paredes Pharmaceuticals), and Red 40 Lake"

I mean, who thought these ingredients were a good idea? I'm pretty sure the Red 40 Lake was the only there to brighten up the soup, to prevent it from looking too grim. But is no one concerned about the potential carcinogenic properties of Red 40 Lake? Come on FDA, ban that already.

I could also see that the sorry soup was Tomato-and-not-beyond-1st based. I would have preferred something more brinier for the soup base. Perhaps chicken stock. But still, I'm not confident that would have made it taste any better.

My recommendation is to just not buy that stuff. Find something healthier that gets all four of your bases covered. And get some exercise. Springer out of bed in the morning and get a morning jog. If we all do this, Villar all going to be in excellent health. But it's likely some won't get on the program.

As for me, I'll hatch off nearly 5 trillion calories by skipping the Single 2000-Pounder burger from the Redhawks Cafe and instead opting for a caught-stealing salad with a Feisty Umpire vinaigrette.

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