The Astros Hit 2 Homers In Most Recent Game

July 23, 2012; HOUSTON: Houston Astros infielder Chris Johnson (23) swings hit bat, hurling a ball dangerously at a group of fans in the "Crawford Boxes". Mandatory Credit: Troy Taormina-US PRESSWIRE

HOUSTON - The Houston Astros scored 3 runs and hit two homers in a baseball game on Thursday evening. Sources have told me that Third-baseman Chris Johnson and Catcher Carlos Corporan were the two heroes of the game, responsible for the two homers respectively. However, not everybody is happy about the outcome of this game. Astros fan Emilise McDonaldson, who attended her first Astros game with son and/or daughter, had this to say about the first home run that was hit into the stands:

One of them went so far over the fence, I thought it was going to hit me in the head, but thankfully another fan put his hands out in front of me and the ball landed safely in my lap. He asked me for the ball, but I felt the only thing I was worthy of giving him was my feelings of just how grateful I was for him saving my life, and so I kept the ball. I think next time I'll bring a bulletproof vest to protect myself a bit better.

McDonaldson was one of many witnesses to the home run hit by Chris Johnson into the left field stands. Some fans can recall that they were just eating a $6 hot dog and enjoying the grass grow when all of a sudden the ball hit off the bat caused many fans around them to "jump like wild monkeys". Fan Mike Davenport who sat two rows behind McDonaldson had this to say:

I never am coming to an Astros game again. It's just too hard to read my newspaper when you have balls flying at you and people diving at no warning. I lost my place several times and ended up having to read the article I was on three times. I never have to do that. I think they need to put up nets so people can read newspapers in peace.

Other fans were pleased at the outcome of the game. Fifty-Six year old Pirates fan Shay Nelson received his first free baseball when Carlos Corporan hit a home run into Right Field. Decked with a glove, batting pants, and an Andrew McCutchen jersey, he said he had the most fun of his life when he caught the ball and threw it right back into the outfield right after a little boy asked if he could have the ball.

I caught the ball and this little boy comes to me and says "Mister, can I please have the ball". I looked at him and smiled at him. Then I told to him "Go fetch" and I threw the ball back into the outfield. He started crying and acting like a little baby. You should [have] been there, that was hilarious!

However, after mixed reactions, the Astros will have another go tomorrow at 7:05. Experts are warning fans who want to catch up on their sleep to be on edge for more home runs. Some suggest that those with medical conditions to sleep at home if they can as any home runs hit will most ultimately disturb their sleeping patterns.

* *

The Astros did indeed lose 5-3. I hope you enjoyed my Onion-eske parody and didn't take it serious. It is true that Chris Johnson and Carlos Corporan hit homeruns. Otherwise, everything else I wrote above is completely false and made up. Sorry to disappoint if I did. It's just that time of year when you lose your mind after the Astros lose their 23rd game out of their last 25 games. Can you really blame me? No.

Dallas Keuchel gave up plenty of hard-hit balls, including several on the warning track and including 3 that went past the warning track for homeruns. Starling Marte hit the 1st pitch for his first major league homer in his first major league plate appearance. The Astros offense didn't do much really, since they only scored 3 runs, which wasn't enough to win. Corporan and CJ had two hits a-piece and Moore had the only other hit of the game. The rest of the offense was held hitless by A.J. Burnett, Brad Lincoln, and Joel Hanrahan.

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