Astros Seedling Mowed Down By Padres' Lawnmower In 1-Hit Disaster

The sky is beautiful, but the play on the field is not. 16th loss in past 18 games. Mandatory Credit: Jake Roth-US PRESSWIRE

The Astros are a young team, departing from the aging contracts of pricey veterans of years ago. Like a pine seed whirling down from a pinecone of a tall, aging, rotting pine to grow into a seedling, the Astros are setting out to reestablish itself and grow independent of old regimes by doing its own thing, setting precedents for the future, and establishing a solid foundation for years to come. However, the Astros as a young seedling are very vulnerable to obstacles and challenges that aren't present for large and mature trees. Such things include children that like to romp around on the grass, and most importantly: lawnmowers.

Essentially, the Padres mowed down the Astros today, allowing them one cheap hit off the bat of Matt Downs. One witness said, "it was an accidental swing by Downs. Thank God no one could field it." The poor fielding behind that check-swing blooper was essential to the Astros not being no-hit, which would have caused the world to split into two pieces, creating ultimate chaos, looting, robberies, and babies crying. However, 1 hit is not more different than 0 hits and I would assume many Astros fans are getting wasted tonight. It's unknown the exact number of fans, or percentage of fans drinking their livers dead, but it's estimated to be a lot. Don't drink and drive, kids.

So. Edinson Volquez with a 1-hit shutout, the first shutout of Edinson Volquez's multi-year career in the major leagues. The Astros lose their 16th game out of the past 18 games. J.D. Martinez walked twice; Marwin Gonzalez once. Chase Headley made an error. Lucas Harrell pitched 7 innings, 4 hits, 1 walk, 6 strikeouts and only 1 run. Wesley Wright pitched 1 inning with 2 Ks and zeroes everywhere else. But it all didn't matter. Astros lose 1-Zippooo.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join The Crawfish Boxes

You must be a member of The Crawfish Boxes to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at The Crawfish Boxes. You should read them.

Join The Crawfish Boxes

You must be a member of The Crawfish Boxes to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at The Crawfish Boxes. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9351_tracker