Last night we held the first two official fantasy baseball drafts for The Crawfish Boxes. Ironically, these drafts were for leagues Two and Three, because naturally I like drafting number One last. Draft "Two" was for the TCB Madness league, and Draft "Three" was the Boxes O' Crawfish league. Hang on, my dog is barking at the door.
Ok, he's back inside now. The two drafts could not have been more different. TCB Madness was a drawn out philosophical discussion of everything from places of personal origin to the validity of Edinson Volquez as a trade piece that landed Josh Hamilton. Boxes O' Crawfish was....ok, I'll be blunt....it was a complete dud.
Here are some statistics:
|League||TCB Madness||Boxes O' Crawfish|
|Pages of Notes that I took:||3||1/5|
|Draft Duration||3h, 2m, 14s||56m|
I wanted to write up both drafts separately, but to tell the truth, an article about the Boxes O' Crawfish might have made Tim or David throw me off the site for publishing boring drivel. So I'll try to combine them in an entertaining way.
The TCB Madness Draft opened like this:
Joe Morgan's a Fool: Feeling a resurgence from El Cabello with this No. 4 pick...
Would that Carlos Lee had been the #4 pick, then I really would have had something to write about. Alas, Joe was a fraud and took Albert Pujols. Chicken.
I decided then to ask both leagues my favorite draft-day question: What was everybody drinking?
TCB Madness chimed in first:
CRPerry13: What're y'all drinking?Killer Steve: Knew this was coming but still have lame answer..crystal light
DKdio's lemonade: Dr.pepper; I'd get way too drunk if not
Lexington Legends: I'm drinking an Arnold Palmer!
Joe Morgan's a Fool: second that Arnold Palmer
Houston Buffs..?: Dripping Springs Vodka!
Houston Buffs..?: jeez didn't know I joined the sober league
Lexington Legends: if this was the weekend it might be different
Killer Bee Boppers: Miller Lite
CRPerry13: Oh dear
Killer Bee Boppers: To clarify, I just finished a St. Arnolds and the Miller Lite was the last beer in the fridge
In eagerness, I turned to the Boxes O' Crawfish league, and found despair:
CRPerry13: So what's on tap? What's everybody drinking?
Astro Nation: nothing special, cappucchino with a splash of choco
CRPerry13: buncha teetotallers in this league
Rock Flag and Eagle: it's a monday, bro
I died a little inside.
Score: TCBM: 1, BOC: 0
Later on, we began to discuss points of origin. This quote isn't funny, but I think it's a great illustration of the geographic representation of readers we have here at The Crawfish Boxes.
Houston Buffs..?: so do we anybody living in Houston in this draft?
CRPerry13: well, Spring
The Wolfpack: Buckinghamshire, UK
Kevin Bass: lived there through elementary school. but will always be an Astros fan
Houston Buffs..?: New Orleans
Lexington Legends: Lexington, Kentucky for me
Killer Bee Boppers: Austin, TX here
Chks dig my Longoria: Does Pearland count?
Joe Morgan's a Fool: also a KY guy but in NY for 5 years now
While impressive to have a reader/manager from the United Kingdom, the "long distance" award definitely goes to the guy from Pearland. That's like a foreign country to a northerner (Spring, TX) like me.
This is as close to a geographic conversation as I could get out of the crowd at Boxes O' Crawfish.
Astro Nation: where is travis buck on here?!
Travis Buck was not drafted because he was not available, though I admired Astro Nation's valiant try to spark some conversation. About this time, TCBM was in Round 4 and BOC was in Round 10.
Score: TCBM: 2, BOC: 0
TCBM even threw in an 80's music reference, which is an automatic run scored in my book.
Houston Buffs..? has selected Corey Hart (MIL)
Lexington Legends: Corey Hart never surrenders while wearing his sunglasses at night
Even though that joke is as old as Livan Hernandez, it still works.
Score: TCBM; 3, BOC: 0
About this time, the team at BOC tried to rally a run by throwing in the obligatory Carlos Lee joke:
Rock Flag and Eagle: Carlos Lee: Higher batting average or weight?
2014 or bust!: Weight
CRPerry13: this season? Weight.
The tally was unanimous. Every person who voted (two people) thinks that Lee's weight will be higher than his batting average in 2012.
Score: TCBM: 3, BOC: 1
Alas, it was too late for Boxes O' Crawfish, whose draft ended at precisely more-or-less 8:27:54 PM, less than an hour after it began. At this point, TCB Madness was in Round 9, so we collectively voted on the worst pick in the OTHER league's draft, in which none of the conversationalists were participating in.
CRPerry13: by the way, the other league just finished.
Joe Morgan's a Fool: worst pick from the other draft CR?
CRPerry13: Carpenter went in like Round 10
Houston Buffs..? has selected Chris Carpenter (STL)
CRPerry13: AND THERE IS CHRIS CARPENTER
CRPerry13: LOL in round 10!
Joe Morgan's a Fool: oooh sucker punch right there
So by a bizarre twist of fate, the selection of Chris Carpenter in Round 10 of the Boxes O' Crawfish was deemed the worst pick of their draft not even two seconds before Chris Carpenter was selected in Round 10 of the TCB Madness Draft. It was swiftly deemed the worst pick of that draft as well.
Score: TCBM: 3, BOC: 1, Chris Carpenter: 2
Briefly, here are the Astros drafted during the Boxes O' Crawfish Draft:
I find it very odd that Downs was drafted and Lowrie was not, considering Lowrie's dual-position eligibility.
The previous discussion about Chris Carpenter set off a discussion of whether or not an auto-pick could really be called the worst pick of the draft, since it was not a conscious decision:
Lexington Legends: See, I don't think those count as bad picks though. Bad choice in not showing up for the
draft or setting rankings, but they didn't really pick them.
CRPerry13: Yes, but I feel better about making fun of autopicks than I do about real person picks
Joe Morgan's a Fool has selected Johnny Cueto (CIN)
CRPerry13: HAHAHAHAHA YOU TOOK JOHNNY CUETO?
CRPerry13: See? That just sounds mean.
Joe Morgan's a Fool: You made me jump back for a sec, haha!
Eventually, the TCB Madness Draft ended, a whopping 3 hours and many hilarious conversations later.
Here are the Astros drafted in the TCB Madness league:
I'd like to thank everybody who participated, and I'm looking forward to fun Fantasy seasons where we will continue to make fun of each other.
Final Score: TCB Madness takes the win with 3 interesting points, followed closely by Chris Carpenter with 2. Boxes O' Crawfish limped to the finish line with only one real conversation that was worth immortalizing in this article.