This is a test of the emergency bad baseball system.

This is only a test.

If you watched the Houston Astros game today against the Colorado Rockies, remain calm. Try lying down on a flat surface for a while. Try watching Sunday night baseball instead to see how the game should be played.

Whatever you do, stay away from the box score.

If you saw the game accidentally while flipping through the channels (surface exposure), drink at least five beers tonight and you should be able to forget anything that you saw.

If you watched the whole thing, please contact us at Klondike 5-4796. We will set you up with a qualified grief counselor to talk you through the PTSD you are most likely suffering.

If you had the misfortune of actually attending the game...well, let's not even think about that.

For those of you who only saw the score, please note this is what happens when Triple-A pitchers try to hone their craft in the majors. Bad things. Very bad things.

Again, what you have seen was only a test of the emergency bad baseball system. We now return you to your regularly scheduled baseball website.