Letter to Bud Selig Mad Lib

This has to be my last post on the subject.  I didn't think moving to the AL West would bother me much, but now that it seems more likely, my feelings have gotten stronger.  I must have been in denial before.  If you want to write to Mr. Selig, but you are not sure what to say, you can use this mad lib.  This is just for fun.  If you plan on writing to him, be a little more respectful.  Now I must stop procrastinating and find a copy of Eugene Onegin.

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Dear Mr. __1__ Mongoloid ESQ,

We the people find your decision to __2__ the Houston Astros to the American League West to be __3__.  What sort of __4__ would do such a thing?  How long were you __5__ on the toilet before you came up with this?  Maybe you should eat more __6__.  I know you think that the Astros have no more fans after their __7__  season ever, but we assure you that we are still here.  You can't __8__ this __9__ scheme past us.  We honestly believe that baseball would be better served with a fermented __10__ running the show.  We know that Drayton, your boot-licking __11__, has cowed to you in the past over your slotting system, and he probably doesn't care now that he has __12__ our team because his blood __13__  is waiting in escrow...but we care.  We don't want __14__  9pm start times.  We don't want a __15__ DH __16__ away in the batters box.  We don't want __17__ Ranger fans __18__ into our fair city more than 3 times a year.  You can take this plan and __19__ it up your __20__.  You are a __21__ man.  Why do your Brewers get to stay in the National League, which is not their natural environment? We know you like the NL!  You may think we are demoralized and weak...but it's only our front office and our two owners that are __22__ and __23__ enough to go along with this.  Please do us a favor and __24__ the Commissioner's office.

Yours in anger,

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